Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
