hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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