my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
