Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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