thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
