Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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