he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
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It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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