Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
