As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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