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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
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