you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
