A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
