I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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