Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
