apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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