okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have fence marks all over my body
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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