Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize