im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
