So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize