Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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