Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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