now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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