A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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