i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
