..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
