No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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