I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
