I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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