Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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