Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
