Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
