I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
