1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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