none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
