i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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