I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Small penises have feelings too.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
