Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
