Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
