I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
