I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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