Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
