I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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