can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
