I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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