return my video game
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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