My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
