I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
