I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
