you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize