I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
