May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
