Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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