I can tuck mytits in my pants
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
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Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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