One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
