Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize