She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
