she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
