At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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