No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.