Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.

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  (336): He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters. http://tfl.nu/0ibe
  Replies (12) Good night (738) Bad night (3076)
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  (951): View more from California

  Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?

  (949): View more from California

  Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.

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  (951): Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn? (949): Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER. http://tfl.nu/x4x0
  Replies (29) Good night (1159) Bad night (3957)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.

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  (724): I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard. http://tfl.nu/gkmc
  Replies (62) Good night (9730) Bad night (1624)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.

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  (+44): The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps. http://tfl.nu/azhr
  Replies (14) Good night (6830) Bad night (1472)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Vodka is such a love hate relationship.

  (661): View more from California

  Truer words have never been spoken.

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  (260): Vodka is such a love hate relationship. (661): Truer words have never been spoken. http://tfl.nu/p042
  Replies (21) Good night (5361) Bad night (1220)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.

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  (901): we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly. http://tfl.nu/dwqa
  Replies (58) Good night (1737) Bad night (14708)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.

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  (307): first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester. http://tfl.nu/skng
  Replies (14) Good night (6041) Bad night (1155)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'

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  (757): Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome' http://tfl.nu/u586
  Replies (17) Good night (4628) Bad night (1012)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it

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  (910): he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it http://tfl.nu/qxjz
  Replies (13) Good night (3928) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.

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  (615): I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this. http://tfl.nu/3o9n
  Replies (11) Good night (2751) Bad night (1595)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.

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  (203): The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/eiym
  Replies (6) Good night (800) Bad night (1815)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.

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  (303): Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously. http://tfl.nu/0rsy
  Replies (4) Good night (1132) Bad night (1439)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass

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  (845): I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass http://tfl.nu/26l8
  Replies (8) Good night (1917) Bad night (671)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Most creative movie date proposition... ever.

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  (630): Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes? (708): Most creative movie date proposition... ever. http://tfl.nu/whek
  Replies (6) Good night (1830) Bad night (1033)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"

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  (416): I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!" http://tfl.nu/406w
  Replies (3) Good night (657) Bad night (297)

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