If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker