dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.