I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.