Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.