At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
