just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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