i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish you could order shots online.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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