my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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