two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
