she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
