My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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