$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just invented taco cereal.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
